couple good ones

[Wolfe]

These three women were roommates. One night they all had all gone out on dates and they all came home at about the same time.

The first one said, "You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up."

The second one said, "No, you know you've been on a good date when you come home with your makeup all smeared."

The third one said nothing, but reached under her skirt, removed her panties and threw them against the wall, where they stuck.

"Now THAT'S a good date!"
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There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke. After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.
The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said: "Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in India?"

With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.

"Wait, ladies," cried the professor. "The ship doesn't leave until tomorrow!"
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An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady, and they are very much in love.However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm.
Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi what to do.

The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion:

"Hire a good looking young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a white towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."

They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man, and he waves the towel over them as they make love.It doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied.

Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi. "Okay," says the rabbi to the husband, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."

Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife, and the husband starts waving the towel.The young man goes to work according to plan with great enthusiasm, and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, top of her lungs screaming orgasm.

The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly...

"See, YOU SCHMUCK, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!!!
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Boudreaux and Thibodaux were having a conversation about sex. Thibodaux says, "Yes sir, I did it three times last night wid a 30-year-old!"


Boudreaux replies, "You're kidding! I can't even do it once anymore. Tell me your secret?"

Thibodaux replies, "The secret is to eat lotsa dat whole wheat bread."

Boudreaux jumps up and rushes as fast as he can to the store.

He tells the clerk, "I'd like six loaves of dat whole wheat bread."

The clerk says, "Dat's a lotta bread Boudreaux. It'll probably get hard before you're done eating it all!"

"Damn!" says Boudreaux, "Does everyone know about dis, 'cept me?"
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Two women in heaven, recent arrivals, were comparing stories on how they had died.

First woman said, "I froze to death."

Second woman, "You froze to death - how horrible!"

First woman, "Well, it wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?"

Second woman, "I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den, watching TV."

First woman, "So what happened?"

Second woman, "I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere, that I started running all over the house looking! I even ran up into the attic and searched through everything and then I ran down to the basement and I went through everything down there... After that I ran back up the stairs and frantically went through every closet and checked under every bed. I kept this up until I had looked absolutely everywhere, ...finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died!"

First woman, "Too bad you didn't look in the freezer... we'd both still be alive! ! ! ! ! "

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A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate....
Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."

The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"

"Don't tell your father, but yes, I would."

He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"

She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"

The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with two sluts."